Traditions according to the Tremere - Hera's Notes to Sara Frost
-submitted by their faithful servant, Nicholas

When Sara first joined us, the Tremere were faced with the - ahem - UNIQUE problem of explaining the Camarilla, the Jyhad, etc. (all very adult concepts, what would we do without them? Don't answer that.) to a very young child. The result is amusing...

The six traditions

Memorize these for the test.

1 - Keep the whole bloodsucking bit secret.
2 - The prince is the school principal. Don't anger him. His idea of a dunce cap has a pointed wooden end.
3 - Ask the Prince and ME before you create any more vampires.
4 - You need to be introduced to the Prince before you can do anything.
5 - If you go elsewhere, always show yourself to the Prince.
6 - Don't kill anybody magical.
7 - If you break any of these rules, I'd better not find out...

Vocabulary

The Anarchs - Just keep your head down when they attack. Otherwise, don't bother with them..
Blood Hunt - If one gets called on YOU, RUN, RUN, RUN!
The Camarilla - A very large camel sale. Buy one hump, get one hump free.
The Prince - The big cheese, the head honcho, the presidente-for-life. Avoid him.
The Sabbat - Bogeymen and bullies.

The Clans

Brujah - Schoolyard bullies.
Gangrel - Tolerable.
Malkavians - They like to play games - games you won't enjoy.
Nosferatu - They look like monsters. They're more like "cookie" monsters. Give one a cookie.
Toreador - Adults.
Tremere - Us. Sublime. Your "Darth Vader" is Tremere.
Ventrue - Adults.
Ravnos - Never take candy bars from them.
Samedi - People in desperate need of flowers.
Lasombra - Monsters from under the bed, from in the dark.
Tzimstice - Monsters from the late, late, late, late show. Dracula.

Others

Humans (The FBI, CIA, NSA, DIA, KGB, MI5, DNA, Pentex, Scotland Yard, the Society of Leopold, the Arcanum, and COBRA) - Strangers. Don't get into cars with them.
Werewolves - OK, but too hairy.
Ghouls - Humans with vampire blood in their veins. Adults nonetheless.

Etc.

Frenzy - Don't worry.
Death - Stay away from these: Fire, Sunlight, Stakes, Claws, Teeth, etc. Pain is bad. Don't get hurt.
Disciplines - I know you can "hide", but NEVER play "peekaboo" with mortals. Never look into a Malkavian's eyes.

 

     When my mother first asked me to submit a sample of my creative genius to this, your bi-monthly periodical, I thought she'd gone slightly barmy. Everyone knows that cats don't give a rat's ass about Vampires, and vice versa. Nevertheless, she feeds me, so I conceded. Furthermore, I wasn't about to be outdone by my mouse's anus of a brother, Leviathan.
     To begin : Let us first examine the nature of the Vampire mythos. Vampires are carnivorous creatures who hunt by day and sleep by night. They feed on the flesh and blood of living animals. If you aren't all White Wolf Lemmings, you will begin to see a pattern in my elucidations. Can't see it yet? Vampires are beasts of instinct, void of the human qualities of compassion and loyalty. A Vampire serves but one master - himself.
     Vampires (or Nosferatu as they are known in some circles) sport vicious claws, which modern day debunkers explain away as the recession of skin from fingernails post mortem, however, most of you Goths believe claws are claws are claws.
     Vampires are, by nature, solitary creatures. It is rare to see a volume of Vampires out carousing together by moonlight (real life is nothing like your little game).
     Finally, Vampires are proud creatures with a taste for the sublime (since they get to spend as much time as they want amassing great gobs of wealth).
     In short, Being a Vampire Means about the same as Being a Cat.
     Think about it.
     Now what are you going to do with those silly plastic teeth?

 

Name : Vlad the Auditor
Address : P.O. Boxes 1 - 198 Saskatoon, SK
Phone Number: 222-1900 (leave a message)

Work Experience (list most recent first) :
Law Offices of Vitreous, Anomalous, Vitae and Sang:  1980 - present
Accountant, City of Saskatoon: 1970 - 1980
Administrative Accounts Manager, Smith and Greene, Attorneys-at-Law: 1965 - 1979
Accountant, Leona Boyd:  1960-1965
Accounts Manager, Nelson, Ozzie, Harriet, and Ricky: 1953 - 1960
Senior Accounts Advisor, Hon. Fredrick Taylor, Justice of the Peace: 1925-1953
Personal Accountant, Inglais & Inglais, Barristers & Solicitors: 1875 - 1925

Education
1870-1875 Oxford University
Previously educated at Our Lady of Infinite Despair Home for Wayward Boys.

Hobbies
Evening walks, evening boat rides, evening bicycling, board games

References
----

May we contact your present or previous employers?
No

If no, why not?
They're disposed of.

Why do you think you'd be a benefit to this company?
I'll have to answer that in person.

(Optional) Are you a member of a visible minority?
No. I am a white man.

     In the Year of Our Lord Seventeen Hundred and Fifty Five, there was born to Clan Douglas a son. This was the first son born to Edward and Sheilagh after the succession of Females known as the Daughters of Douglas. These Daughters were seven in number. Edward Tiberius Douglas, being a Lord in Service to His Majesty George II of England, was much relieved to have been granted, by the Good Will of God, a Son and Heir to his Name and Title. He named this son Montague, as his own mother had been a French noblewoman of that name. I am the noble son of Edward Tiberius Douglas and Sheilagh Gilchrist Douglas.
     I was raised in the normal manner befitting one of my Station, with menservants and porters at my very call. The hills of Scotland were greener, then, and the raucous din of England's conquests reached our ears on the slightest breeze. I was schooled in Edinburgh, and later at various Universities on the Continent. I had no particular interests, but, as was the Fashion of 18th Century Gentlemen, I learned to Debate the Classical Authors and Philosophers, some small amount of Natural Science, Mathematical Procedures, and Literature. We all of us were, at that time, well learned in most if not all areas of Common Parlance.
     It was the Year of Our Lord Seventeen Hundred Seventy Six when my Father procured the means (from his own personal savings) to send me Abroad, in hopes I would gain a Worldly knowledge which is only granted those who are privy to its experience. With one companion and several servants, we made our trek throughout the Mainland and into such Paradises as Africa and the New World. These journeys were primarily uneventful, as one town grew into the next and each City bore remnants of the ones before. It wasn't long before I grew weary of Travel, and longed to return home to Scotland, to aid my Father in his Duties, and perhaps begin the arduous task of Replacing Him. These travels lasted many years, and I had made countless acquaintances in places too numerous to mention. I took it upon myself to revisit some of these Friends on my return.
     I had made the acquaintance of some two or three Rogue Gentlemen while in Austria, who spent much time cavorting in Public Houses until all hours of the night. They were a capricious bunch of lads, whose actions often bordered on the lascivious. They were often wont to frequent Brothels, and knew many of the local Mesdames by name. Though I never gave myself completely to their lurid pastimes, I did partake of their brotherhood from time to time. During the course of my return to my Father's lands, I happened upon two of them wandering the Italian Countryside, questing, no doubt, for wine of superior vintage. Once reacquainted, we elected to travel on together, sharing stories of our respective experiences and tribulations. The elder of the two Companions, William Godfrey, I found quite agreeable. He was nearly always in good Humour, and was inclined toward the more refined tastes of Gentlemanly Society. Together we enjoyed much of Europe's beauty and Culture, and by the by it was resolved that he would accompany me to Scotland. The other of our Companions, Xavier Sussex, chose to remain on the Continent, in hopes of a rendezvous with the rest of their band. Though he petitioned vehemently for us to follow him, I was growing weary of the life of a Rogue, and longed to return to the rich Lands of my Father.
     William sojourned with my Family for some time, and ultimately made known to my father that he desired my Sister's hand in marriage. There was no greater joy among us than to wed Catherine to this man, who had become as a brother to me. The years passed quickly, and in November of my twenty-sixth year, I myself found a Bride. Her name was Elizabeth Cosgrave, her father a Lord in Ireland, though she had been schooled in England, and had not been exposed to the barbaric nature of the Irish themselves. She was an awesome creature, barely seventeen when we met. I was accompanying my Father in London when he introduced me to Elizabeth's family. They had apartments there, and requested my Father's presence to sup one evening in February. I recall the wind that night, blowing a chill into everything it touched. She reclined beside the hearth, working at some piece of needlework (or similar Female distraction), and the glow from the fire lit her ivory skin with an Heavenly Glow. I believe it was then I loved her, that first time my eyes beheld her in her Father's apartments. I have known no greater beauty nor love since then, and presume I never shall. Elizabeth awoke in me such Passions! I mused for hours, after meeting with her, upon the bend of her wrist, or the manner in which her sable tresses fell about her porcelain shoulders. I was captivated by every aspect of her, and in time made my intentions known to her Father. With his Blessing, we were wed.
     Elizabeth bore me two sons, and nearly succumbed to Death in trying to bear me a third. The child was lifeless at birth, and my beloved Elizabeth weakened almost to her own demise. She could bear me no more children, but raised my Sons with the stern but loving hand of a gentle Mother. When my Father's life expired in the Year of our Lord Seventeen Hundred and Eighty Seven, I took his position as Lord of the house of Douglas. My Sons were one in Edinburgh and one in London, receiving educations befitting of their future stations in Cultured Society. Shortly thereafter, I received correspondence from William that several of our old troupe of companions had contacted him. It seems there was a reunion of sorts among them, and they had requested the both of us to attend. My affairs being in order, I resolved to accompany my Cousin to M----, where the Event was planned. Upon my arrival, I was astonished at the youthfulness of my Friends! Nearly fifteen years had passed since last I had seen them, yet neither of the three appeared any differently than they had when last we'd met. They laughed at our wonderment, and procured several bottles of ale, charging that the drink had kept them youthful. As the night wore on, they appeared tireless, and it wasn't until the wee hours just before dawn that they felt inclined to retire. So went the events of the entire week, with our Friends meeting with us every evening and fraternizing until just before sunrise.
     Late one afternoon, shortly before our scheduled return home, William engaged me in conversation on this very topic:
     "Do you think it odd, Montague, that these Scoundrels have not changed a whit since last we met? And what of their nocturnal routine?"
     "Ah, William, ever the Investigator. Yes, it is odd, but not unheard of. Perhaps their very raucous nature has kept them young all these years. Why I remember Xavier, in Venice, never awake before nightfall. We were the same way once, my friend."
     "But they appear not to have changed at all! By the grace of God, it is an unnatural youth they bear. Do you know they have been following our lives' paths over the years, Montague? They know of the Lands and Titles we possess, and Xavier himself knows the names of nearly all of my tenants!"
     "These are not facts meant to be hid, Cousin. Anyone could inquire and would be well met with such knowledge. I empathize with your caution...need I assure you of their intent? It is all well-meant camaraderie, I'm sure".
     Thus was the tone of our discussion that evening. Later that same night, Xavier approached me, inquiring as to my views on the Situation in Ireland. I revealed to him my utter contempt for the Catholic savages, and, having consumed no small amount of Liquor, revealed to him a hitherto unmentioned desire to conquer the Island myself and teach the bastards fear. He motioned for me to follow him into the Street, from whence he led me to a darkened alley. Believing him about to reveal to me some subversive plan to conquer the Irish, I took the utmost care to make no noise. In the deepest recess of the side street, he spun upon me.
     "How well do you know me, Montague?"
     It was with some confusion I answered him drunkenly, "Well enough to know you are in ill humour this evening".
     "It has been at least fifteen years since last you saw me...do you not wonder at my unchanging youthfulness?"
     "I wonder, Xavier, to what end this exchange shall come". He grew more agitated at once, and took hold of my arm with such strength I exclaimed aloud my astonishment. His grip grew more firm, and I wondered at his tenacity.
     "Montague, do you know how old I am?" I was aware of some utterance escaping my lips, but do not recall what words they were. "When William, Prince of Orange, took the English throne in Sixteen Hundred and Sixty Eight, I was two years old. I am eighty one, now"
     "What manner of madness is this?!" I exclaimed, believing myself to be at the core of some sadistic prank.
     "This is no madness, for madness makes real what is unreal. This, most noble Montague, is quite real, through and through. I have been watching you, over the years, having been alerted to your Station and Temperament by colleagues of mine throughout the British Isles. There are qualities you possess - qualities of leadership - that we desperately need. Join me, Montague, and I will grant you eternal life."
     Perhaps it was the drink, perhaps the peculiarity of the situation - I do not recall - the effect it all had on me was one of utter compliance. There was something about Xavier that night that made me want to follow him, to wait upon his every word. Of course, I'd heard myths of Creatures, cursed by God to walk the Earth eternal, but I was a man of culture, a man of station. No-one in his right senses would believe such tales. They were but Wives' tales, uttered from Mother to Daughter. Only Women and Fools would deem them worthy of repetition. I shudder now to imagine the innocence I possessed, at the age of Thirty two!
     Xavier's fist remained closed upon my arm, his grip like Iron manacles. I know now why I did not struggle to escape him. "Xavier," I muttered, "do you mean me some harm?"
     He laughed!
     "My Friend, I mean you so much more than harm. Understand, Lord Douglas, that there is only one end to which you may come now. I have divulged to you my most sacred mystery. Now you must decide between death and immortality." He smiled, then, his lips stretched over incisors grown fanglike. "Join us, Montague".
     "Elizabeth..."
     "Your wife and children will die the slow death of the Human Animal...we are so much more".
     He leapt upon me then, pulling me into him with alarming swiftness. I could do naught against him. I felt a sharp Pain at my throat, and exclaimed, but he would not cease his attack. I flailed miserably against him, to no avail. I felt myself growing weaker, colder. When at last he rose from his task, I was horrified to see his Mouth ringed in Blood! His incisors appeared to have grown still larger, and his eyes were aglow with Hellfire.
     "Will you join us, Montague? Or shall you die tonight in this street?"
     I managed to mutter : "Though I do not fear Death, Neither do I welcome it. Do what you will, if you must".
     He transported me to a small apartment nearby. There he once again opened my throat. I recall struggling against the grip of death to the very point at which he slashed open his own flesh and bade me "Drink". The next few days were extraordinary. I felt quite ill during those hours I remained awake. Merely returning to my rented apartments (which I shared with William) was a formidable task. Xavier remained in close contact with me throughout the evenings, but my days were filled with new sensations, encompassing, among other things, a newfound aversion to sunlight. My very flesh would begin to itch if exposed to that Orb, and as the days passed, the sensation grew to an acute burning. It came to pass that I could no longer endure the sunlight at all.
     William, concerned at my pallid appearance and state of confusion, urged me to convene with a Medical Doctor, but Xavier was adamant I see no-one. In time, Xavier himself procured an individual who pronounced me 'severely anaemic' and 'photosensitive' - conditions, he assured me, were not uncommon, but which did hamper my daily routine. As our departure date drew nigh, Xavier expressed his desire to return with us to Scotland, as he had been so long from her fair shores. William, being somewhat distressed at my 'illness', encouraged me to concede to our Friend, if for no other reason but to aid in my care. He also initiated some correspondence with Elizabeth, informing her of my Condition. During the voyage home, the three of us travelled only under the cloak of darkest night, and William was kind enough to maintain any daily affairs I needed tended. As kind William slept, Xavier educated me as to my newfound Nature.
     "You are now of the blood of Caine, a Beast of the darkness. What has been granted you is deemed a curse by many, but we are the superior beings. By way of your death, you have been granted eternal Life - this is no curse. We are many in this world, Montague - you and I only two of multitudes. We survive in the periphery of Mortal Society, clinging to shadows as is our nature. We must never reveal our true Selves to the Kine (for this is what he called Human Beings); they will hunt and destroy us, as they have in the past. We need you, Lord Douglas. The Camarilla needs you."
     Over the days and weeks it took us to journey back to Scotland, Xavier spent many hours telling me of my newfound Existence. He guided me quickly, if not gently, into Eternal Night. He taught me the art of Survival as Predator. I learned to woo my Prey, which was effortless among the less Fortunate of Society. For the first while, Xavier himself would somehow procure for me vials of Life's Essence, telling William it was no more than a strong Elixir to relieve my anaemic nature. Unlike many Kindred (which is what Xavier deemed ourselves), it was necessary for me to continue to consume the same foodstuffs as had always been my custom. To do otherwise would certainly have drawn even more suspicion to my condition.
     After having quit Scotland for some two months, Elizabeth greeted us with Hospitality and some concern. Upon observing my much altered appearance, she urged me to take rest immediately in the rooms she had prepared for my supposed recuperation. It was not long before she began to wonder at my newfound lifestyle. No amount of cajoling nor pleading could incite me to take afternoon tea in our gardens with my beloved Wife, as had been our practise, and fair Elizabeth became quite concerned. It was then I surmised I could not keep secret the Ordeal through which I had gone, nor the Nature of my new existence. I revealed to Xavier my fears, and was perplexed when he suggested (quite calmly!) that my easiest route would be to have my family killed! I existed in a constant state of turmoil for some time, speculating what course of action should be taken. I contemplated staging my own disappearance, or possibly my own demise. I pleaded with Xavier to grant my family the same 'gift' he had bestowed upon me. Our arguments over the matter shook the very hills of Scotland, until one evening in June, nearly a year after our return.
     Xavier crouched in a Glen not far from the stables. We had been arguing heatedly about what needed to be done to maintain our Façade of Humanity. He was on the brink of exasperation when he raised his eyes to the stars : "There is a way, Montague, but it has its dangers."
     "For the love of God, Xavier, my very survival could hinge upon it!"
     "God has no place here, not in this exchange. We could entreat your Wife to become our Thrall".
     He explained to me the method and its consequence. He told me of the prolonged life which Thralls may encounter. He informed me of several ways in which the Thing could be done without my precious Elizabeth knowing differently. We solidified our Plan, and I agreed to enthrall my beloved that very night.
     I entered our bedchamber with trepidation, and watched her at her nightly routine. In her nightgown, she sat at the vanity, eyes closed, pulling a comb through her raven locks. She sang a cradle song. I could no more deceive her now than raise my hand against her. I flew to her side and fell at her feet. I lay my head in her lap and begged her forgiveness.
     "Elizabeth, my love, forgive me."
     She laughed then, caressing my hair with her precious fingers of ivory silk. "You are forgiven, Montague..."
     I interrupted her mirth, and told her what had become of me. I told her of the alley and of Xavier and of my transformation. I told her how I found sustenance and why I travelled only by night. I revealed our Secret. I illuminated her without once meeting her stare. When at last I caught her eye, I saw she was in tears.
     Rising to my feet, I pleaded with her to join me for eternity, to secure our love until the end of time. I told her of how she could join me, and not have to leave daylight behind. I told her of Xavier's plan. I begged her drink from my wrist. She opened her mouth unto me, and drank. We lay together upon our bed, twined in each other's arms, until dawn broke over the hills. I pledged my love and retired, feeling as much joy as the day we were wed.
     I awoke next evening refreshed. I longed to have Elizabeth at my side, and hastened to our bedchamber. I knew not that there I should find my curse. My cherished Elizabeth knelt upon the floor, her body strewn across the vanity stool. She had bled all day as I slept. Her arms, sliced from palm to elbow, still dripped what was once a cascade of crimson Humour. I found I was sobbing, my Vitae splashing in hers.